Thursday, May 30, 2013

Beautiful Weekend, Angry Rant, And Attacking Life

So let me start, I have a super angry grumpy poison rant to start off with then will end with wonderfull joy and artistry. Feel free to skip.

So for quite a while now I have been trying to reach out to some of my friends out here in the bay. Basically since GF and I got together a group of my friends has been just distant. Being my insecure self I assumed I did something to offend them so I did a generic appology and backed off, hoping for forgivness and to find out what I did. I have received nothing. Two seperate friends never even told me they moved. So again, being an insecure girl I then assumed they hated me for some reason, and have just tried to back off, with the occasional text of hey to no responce. A few times now they invited me out to do something and when I arrived they texted they wern't coming... which is one of the hardest things for me, thats just rude. So Finally of of these people whom I considered some of my closest friends once finally told me they like Gentlemen Friend, but they dont like the person I have become since dating him. They feel I have no time for anyone else, and they feel I have been passive aggressive with them and basically they all cant stand me and have had long conversations about this.

I went home and felt like hell. I hate being passive aggressive.. its an alcoholic trait everyone in my family does and is something I strive to avoid and of course end up falling right into every time. Then it dawned on me.... Im they ONLY one who's reached out to anyone. Im the one who showed up when they bailed. I couldn't make ONE event because I had midterms. I have NEVER not shown up to something because GF and I have plans, and they biggest thing thats changed about me since I started dating him is I actually am getting some self esteem. I stand up for myself. So now Im pissed, I realised my BIGGEST FUCKING PETPEEVE about my shitty ass friends in the past... IM NO LONGER THEIR BACK UP PLAN. Thats what their all fucking angry about, Im no longer like a dog on a leash, If they have nothing to to do this weekend, I dont just jump up and yell "Pick ME!!" I dont wait on the edge of my seat desperate for attention, waiting for their every emotion. That was me in the past. I was so alone, so lonely that I was always there just waiting for someone elses plans to drop out to do something. Now I have someone who actually WANTS MY ATTENTION. Someone who's cool if I do have an event and cant see him and also has a life of his own. Someone who if theres nothing to do will just watch a bad movie with me.

So Ive decided to invest my time in better friends. This small group of moody narcissists I have no more time for. Moody Narcissists who I have given this blog to and have never even checked out the graphics. Who when i told them I missed them said "Bet ya did" and walked away. There are much better people out there who actually want my time. Like Jess and Angera, lol my two readers!! :D I feel good about this.

To start, wonderful handsome Gentleman Friend took myself and his friend out to Wine Country!! I love it, i have to say before we started these little excursions I wasn't a big fan of wine, but having tasted some really wonderful beverages and some turpentine, I can now say I appreciate it much more and even enjoy it!! For this trip we headed up on Monday, and visited Gloria Ferrer winery, which is close to downtown Sanoma, and a big producer. We got a complimentary flight with GF's industry discount, of sparkling wines (aka Champagne) then tried some of their whites and reds. Its a really nice facility and they all have wonderful views.. I don't think theres a bad view in the valley. We then headed to another winery I am blanking on the name of but was very nice and we picked up a bottle of white for the night. We checked into our hotel room at the Renaissance, a lovely corner room then I had to go off to work. Ugh. But got to return that night to a very wet GF and friend. They had walked into the main square I guess and got caught in the rain. so I brought him a change of clothes, and we finished off the white and crashed for the night.

Tues we hit some REALLY wonderful Wineries Including Castello di Amorosa, a recreation of a European Castle int he middle of wine country!! They do wine and chocolate tastings, and have a few animals on the property (holy cow baby gooslings!!!) One of my favorites. We left there for across the way to hit up one of my personal favorites Sterling. What makes Sterling so special is you take a tram up to the mian part of the property, and take a self guided tour, where you wonder around with your glass and sample wines at your leasure. Also if you get the Silver pass (such as we did thank you GF and your amazing Business cards and position!!) you get 5 more pourings and some snacks. The veiws are about unbeatable as your up on a mountain, and they purchased the mountain across to preserve nature and their veiw. ya... Life if rough.. We then left that paradise for some amazing BBQ, part of which I poured right down my front. We hit two more wineries that were quite nice and I was quite toasted. In order to get my little car home safely, after GF and his friend headed out I took a little breaking eating a classy chocotaco and a Dr Pepper and just kind of sobered up. Buzzed driving is drunk driving!! Basically It was wonderful.

So for the artistic part. I have been looking for a little program to run on my laptop to draw with that isnt to heavy but make decent art. Im not the biggest digital designer (yet) but I know I need to practice. So the last week of school my classmates were raving about doing their projects with a program called Fire Alpaca. Yep... I decided i needed the program just based on the name, but then was totally sold when I saw some of the amazing work the gals and guys were doing with it. Best part? Its FREE. and LEGAL!!

I just did this in like 5 minutes playing around. its a super light, basic drawing program, and is for mac or pc!! Everyone can do this.. now dont think I have to do this with the mouse... thats insane.. I recomend get a tablet (not the apple kind or Moses kind)

Monoprice has super cheap ones, PERFECT for starving students.


  1. Aw I got a shout out :3 fanks.

    Yeahhhh it's amazing how crap some people can be. I've had to let go 2 "best" friends this year. I did a total spring cleaning of my life. I'm so glad you have a healthy, happy relationship though. Good luck on your quest for new friends! I'm also on that quest. I've been gettin lonely this summer while mister man is away counseling in Alabama *sigh.

    Anyways, I LOVE wine. I love wine and beer. I'm not much into the liquors and whiskeys, ekk. How beautiful that place looks though and your photos look like you're getting better at taking them :). It's cool to see others and myself improving at photography through the months.

  2. Your ex-friends are shitty... I'm glad u found somebody who appreciates you... and sings like Teddy Pendergrass :)

  3. Aww. Now I feel all warm and fuzzy cuz I thought I was one of the crap friends ~_~; Also, I wanna go on adventures as well!